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The One Where Paul Gives Himself a Haircut

I got my last real haircut back in February, from Susan, a licensed barber who will do a conservative, not-too-short businessman’s haircut. The coronavirus was already taking over the world, so along with everyone else I began avoiding unnecessary human contact. Now, six months later, the virus was fully in charge and I had a whole lot of hair. I wasn’t quite Walt Whitman yet, but I was on my way.

Cutting my own hair wasn’t all that hard, just time-consuming, and (in my opinion) the result was pretty close to a regular haircut. As long as you’re careful and take your time, your hair will not end up unbalanced, lumpy or otherwise weird.

There are how-to tips and videos all over the internet, and I took bits of advice from several. The only equipment I used was barber scissors. I chose scissors over electric clippers because clippers can cut hair too short. For other virus hermits out there who want to try it, here’s what worked for me. Like Whitman, I am an older guy with semi-wavy gray hair that’s fairly thick.

    • Watch the davidgpo YouTube video “How to Cut Your Own Hair with Scissors” a few times. David is also an older gent, and he shows you how to eyeball the results as you go along. Does his resulting haircut look totally professional? No, and neither does mine, but it’s not embarrassing, it’s a decent haircut and I don’t feel the need to wear a hat if I leave the house. He uses only his fingers and the scissors, and that’s what I did. You’ll get more ideas from his video.
    • Get a good pair of barber’s scissors, aka “shears”. I paid about $25 on Amazon. Don’t try to save money by using your old kitchen scissors, you’ll be sorry. Be careful, these are razor sharp – not a figure of speech – and you can cut your fingers or nick an ear if you go too fast.
    • You’ll need a mirror setup that lets you see yourself from the side. Luckily, my medicine cabinet has two mirrored swing-out doors. Keeping my head more or less between the two doors let me see everything, with the added benefit that 98% of the hair I cut off fell straight into the sink, avoiding floor cleanup.
    • Wash your hair, comb it and blow dry to get the hairs separated and straight before you start cutting,
  • Start low and work upward.
  • Lift and cut only a small tuft of hair each time.
  • Don’t cut the tuft straight across, tilt the scissors sideways so the hairs are not all the same length.
  • Most importantly, take off only a little bit at a time, maybe a quarter inch, don’t go nuts. Then reassess and go round again.

I feel guilty taking work away from Susan; she and salon/shop workers like her are among those hurt worst by the closings. Hopefully the virus won’t be around too much longer. See you then, Susan.

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